Has it ever crossed your mind why men so easily tap out of life? I just don’t get it. It seems that when life gets tough some men just cave. They toss in the towel. They run. Honestly, when life gets tough, it is boys that run and men that stay through the hard times.
Darrin Patrick in his book Church Planter has a word for what he calls men in their 20s and 30s that still live at home with their parents, drinking Red Bull and playing X-Box games in their Spider-Man pajamas. He calls them bans. Boys that wish they were men. I call them boys that can grow beards.
Bans have a tendency to quit a job because the boss told them to do something they don’t feel like doing. They do not like it when people have high expectations of them. Bans don’t feel there should be consequences to their actions. Bans tend to leave a girl that will not sleep with them or will leave them because she is pregnant. Bans refuse to take any responsibility for their actions. They want to always blame somebody else for their behavior, however childlike it is. Bans will let a girl pay for a date and not feel bad about it. Bans have what I call Peter Pan syndrome. They want to stay as young as possible. They don’t want to grow up. They don’t want to mature. They don’t want to serve others because they are having too much fun being selfish. They like to drink beer and watch porn videos online.
To a ban, girls are more of an object than another person. The girls are sought after to satisfy a want. Because bans lack self control they believe that having sex will satisfy them. Instead of courting a young woman and asking her to marry him, the ban will sleep with her until he has used her up and then he kicks her to the curb.
When a situation becomes difficult, hard, uneasy, the bans run. When the going gets tough, the bans are first to throw in the towel. They will postpone making tough decisions as long as it is humanly possible. They tap out.
The sad part is, some bans are in the church. This should not be. Time should not be wasted on babysitting bans. They just need to man up and grow up.
Bans need to be discipled. The men in the church need to come alongside them and show them how you need the gospel in everyday life. The men in the church need to show bans how to keep a job, love their wives, treat their children, serve the church, and share the gospel. Bans are good at being boys. The men of the church need to show the bans how to be men.
Jesus is our example to follow on how to be a man. Jesus was tender when he needed to be tender and tough when he needed to be tough. He was both not either or.
In Matthew 26, we are shown Jesus at a very stressful time. While he is praying in the garden, he is hours away from the cross. He had every opportunity to not die on the cross. He could have had angels come down and wipe out the Roman army. He could have easily tossed the Pharisees out of the temple.
Going to the cross was not easy. Being humiliated and falsely accused – not easy. Being beaten, spit at and cussed out – not easy. Jesus could have easily spoken one word and killed all of his enemies but he didn’t.
Jesus did what was hard. Jesus did what was uncomfortable. Jesus did what was difficult.
This is what it means to be conformed to the image of Christ.
Do what is hard. Do what is uncomfortable. Do what is difficult.
Let’s face it. If it was easy everyone would do it.
Follow God wherever he leads you even into the depths of fear, challenge, and hard.
Jesus didn’t tap.
Neither should you.