Our text for this sermon comes from Genesis 2:15-25
The title of this sermon is: Real Marriage: Friends With Benefits
First off, we want to pray that Jesus will shatter two idols among single people in our church and single people in our city. The idols of independence and dependence.
The idol of independence tells you that you are single and you do not need anyone else. You don’t set godly standards for your mate, you set impossible standards. The person that wants to date you ends up jumping through hoops and then has to climb the mountain of your standards and can’t reach the top because they already ran out of oxygen and died. You set up walls and don’t let anyone in. You have witnessed marriages that ended badly and told yourself that you won’t let that happen to you. You don’t care what the Bible says about being a godly person and asking Jesus what His plans are for you concerning marriage, you have already chalked it up that you are not getting married. You need Jesus to help you tear down those walls.
The idol of dependence tells you that you are single and you are going to die if you do not have someone. You can’t stand being alone. You constantly have to be around people. You argue with the person that you are dating or have dated because you can’t stand the fact that they have friends. You want them all to yourself and will not share them with anybody. You have to have people constantly and consistently and if you don’t you will allow fear to destroy you. You need Jesus to destroy your fear.
Single people do not have to check out. Just because you are not married does not mean this sermon does not apply to you. Paul was single and was able to give godly advice on marriage. You can be a godly influence and give godly advice whether you are married or not.
vs. 15-17 We find the man in this section of Scripture given his job description. God has laid out what the man is to accomplish and the man jumps on that. God also gives the man a command that he can eat from any tree in the garden except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because on the day that he does that, he will surely die. Telling somebody that the consequences of an undesired action is death; is a good deterrent.
vs. 18-22 The man is standing here naming all the animals as God parades them in front of him and yet when he is finished, there is no friend for Adam. There is no partner to journey through life with. God’s answer for this is a wife.
So, God causes the man to fall asleep. This is not a normal sleep. This is not nap time. This is not even the proverbial Thanksgiving, “I ate too much and will probably fall asleep before halftime.” sleep. This is a God sleep. God causes the man to fall asleep and extracts one of the man’s ribs and with the delicate touch that only God can, forms the rib into a woman.
vs 23 Adam sings the first love song ever recorded. It is personal, it is affectionate, it is deeply intimate and is for the Woman that is standing in front of him.
The name Woman is not used as degrading or insulting. Adam is being kind, and edifying her; he is using the term as an intimate or playful nickname.
Marriage is about a lot of things but it is mainly about friendship. A man that loves Jesus marries a woman that loves Jesus and they become friends that love Jesus.
Most people when they get married are so focused on the ceremony and never give thought to life together. The wedding ceremony is not your marriage. It is a very expensive 30 minutes. You have the rest of your life together after that. God joins you together to journey through life together. It should be enjoyable and not painful.
Notice that Adam is not getting on some internet site or some chat room. He is not browsing eHarmony and Match.com. At the appropriate time, God brought the woman to the man.
When a man and a woman get married, they are no longer two individuals. They are one. They are a team. When Adam was singing to Eve that she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, in essence he was saying, you are a part of me.
God is about friendship. He is friends amongst Himself with Jesus and the Holy Spirit and He is friends with the man and the woman.
Marriage is about the husband and wife being friends and reflecting that same type of friendship that God has with Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Your primary friendship is the relationship that you have with Jesus.
Men: Your best friend should be your wife.
Women: Your best friend should be with your husband.
You need to work on and cultivate the relationship you have with Jesus and the relationship you have with each other.
The wife in Song of Solomon 5:16 says of her husband, “He is my lover, and my friend.”
He is not her boss, her slave owner, her partner in baby making, he is her friend.
To be a friend to your spouse you have to know what a friend is.
If you look at the life of Jesus, Jesus said that He laid down His life for His friends. If you have been redeemed by Jesus, you have been washed clean by the blood of Jesus, you are a friend of Jesus.
The apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5:26, “Husbands love your wives, as Christ loves the church.” You can translate that as husbands be your wife’s best friend.
Solomon writes in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.
vs. 24-25 Therefore – Because the man realizes that the woman is a part of him, because she is his helper, because she is his lover and friend, he leaves his father and mother and holds fast to his wife (cling)
The only thing a man is called to hold fast to other than Jesus, is his wife.
Both men and women are to leave the home of their parents and go and make a home together.
Ladies: When you have an argument or you want something done, you do not run back home to mommy and daddy. You don’t bash on your husband in front of your friends. You go to your husband. You work out the conflict. When something needs to happen, you trust him to get it done and if he can’t, let him Google it to find a better way or find someone who can.
Men: When you have a conflict, you don’t accuse her, don’t tear her down, don’t bring up her past, don’t insult her. Do not talk bad about your wife in front of others and don’t let others talk bad about your wife.
Why? She is yours. She is your treasure. She is a part of you. She is your friend.
You are a team. You don’t bad mouth and talk against the team that you play for.
Ephesians 5:22 Women are to submit to their husbands…
Wives will submit to their husbands when they see their husbands in submission to Jesus.
Men will be better leaders in the home when they follow Jesus.
Ladies: When your husband is following Jesus, trust that he will lead you where Jesus is leading him. You may not always agree with how it happens but know that your husband is following Jesus.
God designed sex to be beautiful and harmonious between the husband and wife. This is why if you have ever had sex outside of marriage, you rob your spouse of the gift of getting to know you in a way that nobody else should ever know you.
If you have ever had sex outside marriage, there is grace and forgiveness in Jesus.
Marriage is about more than sex. God gave married couples sex as a gift. Your marriage is a friendship that is a reflection of the gospel. You are to mirror for people how Jesus loves His church.
- You parent together
- You pay bills together
- You cook and clean together
- You do laundry together
- You plan vacations together
Men: Date your wife. Hold her hand, hug her, kiss her…a lot. get her a massage, send her flowers, take her out to dinner. Cultivate the relationship with your wife and enjoy your wife. Keep date night sacred. Do not let anything take its place. Date night is your time to talk, connect, and spend time together and grow as friends. If you neglect spending time together, you will grow apart. Date night refreshes your relationship with each other.
Enjoy spending time with her. Ask your wife how you can be a better friend to her.
Marriages start messy.
It takes time to work out the kinks and learn the quirks of the other person. You learn about one another and you learn how to be less selfish and better friends by the grace of God for the glory of God.
Marriages start messy.
God can make your marriage a masterpiece.